As you can tell since you’re reading this, I’ve decided to just go ahead and make this blog public significantly before I was originally intending to. I talked to August about it, and came to the conclusion that it probably isn’t too big of a risk. Besides, now people that I want to share it with, but don’t have WordPress accounts can still read it.
In other news, I had another little breakdown at work. Now, I realize by most people’s standards, these are not breakdowns, but for me it definitely is. Anyway, something unexpected came up on short notice that would have forced me to cancel family plans that I had made for the weekend a month or so ago. When I was asked by one of my bosses how I was that morning, perhaps an hour after I found out that I was supposed to work this weekend, I shrugged and said okay. At this point he wanted to know what was wrong, so I explained the situation as calmly as I could, but my feelings of having to miss important things with August and family so much lately and even more in the future bubbled to the surface and it took everything I had to keep my voice from sounding like I was on the verge of tears.
Long story short, he could tell that something was bothering me and while he had stuff to take care of, he had one of our middle management pull me aside and check on me. This guy, after I partially explained to him how I was feeling without giving any details of my situation, arranged for somebody else to cover for me this weekend so I didn’t have to cancel on people. Not only that, but he went a step further in getting somebody to cover for me at another site that I was supposed to go to this week as well. While I still have to go to that other site later on, this is an extra few days at home with August that I think I really need, even though August has to spend most his time focusing on school stuff this week. Otherwise, I’d have only been home for a week before going out of town again.
I had two other people pull me aside that day to check on me. I guess everybody could tell I was kind of on edge all day. I even told one of my bosses that I trust not to gossip about what’s going on with August and that he just got his first injection, but I left my own transgender feelings out of it. He was very supportive of August and understood why it was so frustrating for me to be pulled away from home so much lately.
I also told him that I was thinking about talking to a professional since I feel like I’m struggling, yo-yoing in and out of depression lately and have brought this topic up with August. We’re going to look into it and were talking about maybe set some of our clothing money aside to pay for my sessions. We’ll figure it out, I suppose. Hopefully it’ll help me find my balance again and get my emotional stability back.