So after my last post I decided to just write a post every couple of weeks so that I’ll have more to write about as well as to discourage myself from looking so hard for changes to take place and to be more patient with the process. That being said, if there’s a week that goes by and there’s a huge amount of change that suddenly happens, I’ll definitely post that week, but at the slow but steady rate things are going so far, every other week seems like a good pace for updates.
Six weeks in as of today. There’s been a lot that has happened in the last couple weeks, both in regards to transitioning as well as life in general. August and I celebrated our 3 year anniversary of when we started seeing each other with getting all dressed up and going out to a nice restaurant for a really great dinner. Our 2 year marriage anniversary is just around the corner, but because of work related travel and such we won’t be able to spend it together so was nice to celebrate this instead. While I wore a different shirt than the one I got married in, the vest and slacks were the same and I was surprised by how differently they fit now. There’s still plenty of room to grow into them, but they aren’t quite as ridiculous as they had been a couple years ago. It’s my intention to wear these every anniversary to see how much change there is in how they fit over the years, at least until I out grow them if that ever actually happens. August definitely out grew his wedding clothes, what he’s wearing in the more recent picture is a completely different but better fitting outfit. So I have some pictures, starting with when we got married almost two years ago, a picture of the two of us together from the other night and one of just me. Not the highest quality pictures and there wasn’t any good angles really showing how the clothing fit in the wedding pictures, but here they are.
As I mentioned, work related travel is preventing us from celebrating the 2 year anniversary of our marriage together, unfortunately. Both of us will be traveling for work, though. August has a temporary thing he’s doing that’ll take him out of town for a little while, which we’re both excited that he has the opportunity to do this work. It pays pretty well and should give him some more experience to put on his resume, which should help his search for a more permanent job that is relevant to his degree. Additionally, I’ll be starting a new job in the near future that will involves a lot of travel. So much travel that I may be looking at being home as little as one weekend a month. I’m both excited about the job and nervous about it. I’m excited because it pays well and has a huge potential for growth. If all goes well, I should be looking at getting promoted to a position that involves less travel within just a few months. That period of time should be shorter than my deployment was, plus I’ll be home at times throughout it, even if I’m not home a lot, so shouldn’t be near as bad as deployment. Not to mention it’s not like I’ll be stuck on a ship in an isolated community the entire time either as I’m just traveling around the States, so there shouldn’t be any readjusting to socializing and everything that I had to get used to again when I came home from the deployment. We made it through me being deployed and the depression and anxiety problems that I had after I got back from deployment and this should be a walk in the park compared to that, so I know it won’t be anything we can’t handle. Just the same, I’m nervous about being away from home again. I feel like things in our relationship and in my life in general have only recently returned to normal and I’m not real eager to let go of the stability that I’ve just barely gotten a taste of. I worry that about whether it’ll put any stress on our relationship, directly or indirectly. But as I said, it shouldn’t be very long before I can get into a position requiring less travel, and we’ve been through worse.
In fact, I think the last year since I’ve returned from the deployment is probably what will end up being the period of time that will have tested the strength of our relationship the most probably up until we have a kid and eventually find ourselves disagreeing about some aspect of raising the child. It’s bound to happen, nobody can agree on everything. The depression and emotional instability I went through after the deployment probably put more stress upon our relationship than the separation during the deployment itself. Not to mention the concern over finances since I got out of the military and knowing that August has been struggling with his own feelings as his job hunt continues. While I find myself worrying about the stress of another period separation in our relationship, I also find myself feeling optimistic about where things are heading. This job pays well and will help us feel more financially stable, especially whenever I do get promoted to something that involves less travel as it should also mean even higher pay. Additionally, I think that August’s temporary position will lead to either a permanent position at that company or at least significantly aid him in finding one with another employer as it’ll give him some much needed experience, as well as allow him to network with people from other companies. So the stability at home that I’m seeking, and being financially comfortable again, really aren’t that far away and there’s no reason to think that we can’t push through to it when we’ve been through much more difficult things… but I’m a worrier, it’s just how I am, unfortunately. So while I intellectually know things will be fine and are about to improve significantly, I am still going to worry about how being away from home so much in the next few months is going to affect us.
And now for an abrupt change of topic. I haven’t really said anything yet about my transition over the last couple weeks. My voice has dropped even lower. I could feel it in my throat and hear it in my own head when I spoke, even though nobody has said anything about it. There’s times where my voice cracks now, particularly when I’m having to shout at one of the pets to stop doing something they aren’t supposed to be doing. When I listen to the recording, I feel like I almost sound like a pre-teen/early teen boy now… not quite, still has some femininity to it, but it’s getting there. I’ll just link the Day 1, Month 1, and Week 6 recordings for comparison.
Stuff below the belt is still pretty sensitive, but I think I’ve gotten used to it. After starting T I started having some major dryness issues down there (actually been having several menopause type symptoms, such as hot flashes, as well) and it was getting really bothersome, occasionally even interfering with my being able to get to sleep or satisfaction during intercourse. A little over a week ago I started taking fish oil and vitamin E daily, and it seems to have helped a lot. There’s really only been one night that it got bad again since I started taking those, but I was pretty dehydrated in general that day due to the retail job I’ve been working (and am leaving thanks to that new job I mentioned) and not being able to have my water bottle with me when I’m out on the floor. It makes it a lot harder to stay properly hydrated. Anyway, outside of that one evening, I really haven’t had any further problems with this issue and hopefully it stays at this level that fish oil and vitamin E are enough to treat it.
A couple weeks ago, I think just after or maybe a little before my last post on here, I noticed a some darker looking hairs on my lip. It’s hard to say when those first showed up as I wasn’t really looking for them at first, I just mentioned to August that I had recently shaved (trying to keep the peach fuzz off my face) and he asked me if there had been any dark hairs yet. I had no idea if there had been or not because I hadn’t been looking for it, but as things started growing back in I kept an eye out for them, and sure enough there was a small handful on my lip. It started off looking like just 3, maybe 4 darker but barely noticeable hairs on the left side of my lip quickly became several (enough that I didn’t take the time to count them) across both sides of my lip. They are still pretty fine, so hard to see, but they are definitely darker and thicker than what used to be there or anywhere else on my face. I haven’t noticed anything in other areas of my face yet, but am keeping an eye out for that. I hope my sideburns start getting longer soon, but I know that the facial hair will grow where and whenever it feels like regardless of what I want. Since the facial hair is starting on my lip (August’s started on his chin and sideburns), it makes me wonder if I inherited my dad’s mustache growing genes. For the first 18 years of my life, my dad had a Tom Selleck level mustache like this:
Although he didn’t pull it off quite as well as Tom Selleck did (after 18 years of seeing him with it, it looked SO weird when he finally shaved it off though). I’m pretty sure I also wouldn’t be able to pull that off so well either, lol. That being said, I’m excited to be seeing anything growing in right now, regardless of where it is, even if I think mustaches are a bad idea for most people, myself included.